Bullying; when will it ever be enough

I'm sure most of you heard of Phoebe Prince's story when it made headlines a while ago. In case some of you haven't, here's the recap.

http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/video.html?ID=1809278032

The reason this is in the debate section rather than in the lobby or news discussion forum is because as much as I'm sure if we ask people 'Do you think bullying is wrong?' and they answer 'Yes', they continue to do it. And that's the real problem.

Having said that, I'd like to treat this thread as somewhat of a diary, if you will. We're all guilty of demeaning someone and humiliating them, whether it was small or something very intrusive which is why I'd like each one of you to write about it on this thread. Tell us your story. Were you the prey or the offender? How did it make you feel to be either?

This thread will be used for redemption. No matter how bad some stories are, I absolutely do not what to see people pointing fingers at one another and cussing others out for what they've committed to in the past. Everyone should feel welcome to replenish their wrong-doings on this thread without the slightest fear of being ridiculed.

The floor is yours.

Well me and my friends were the offender..There was this other kid that went to school with us (in the same class). I don't guess he could afford deodorant..I realize this now but when i was young i didn't. And one day we went into his gym locker and sprayed a whole thing of axe spray and shut it. Then one day we wrote him a letter telling him to take a bath.

Now that i am much older i feel so bad for doing these things. I now realize he simply couldn't afford deodorant, cleaning products. Everytime i see him in town etc i feel so bad.

DONT JUDGE ME. lol

Ride My Yak said:

Well me and my friends were the offender..There was this other kid that went to school with us (in the same class). I don't guess he could afford deodorant..I realize this now but when i was young i didn't. And one day we went into his gym locker and sprayed a whole thing of axe spray and shut it. Then one day we wrote him a letter telling him to take a bath.

Now that i am much older i feel so bad for doing these things. I now realize he simply couldn't afford deodorant, cleaning products. Everytime i see him in town etc i feel so bad.

DONT JUDGE ME. lol

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Rather than feel bad, the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. That's always the hardest of tasks. Once you think you can live with what you've done, you need to apologize to him. As much as you think you know how your stunt has left him, you can't assume things unless you're in his shoes.

You'd be surprised how much an apology can make someone feel better. Imagine someone did that to you and then a couple of months/years later, they delivered a sincere apology for having done it. Wouldn't you feel so much better? I know I would. Not to mention, doing so would make you feel so much better as well.

I trust you'll do the right thing.

A few years back there was this foster kid who didn't take a shower. I used to joke him about it and mess with him everyday (bullied him, sad to admit it), but now that I think about it, I was a total jerk to him. He didn't take a shower because he really couldn't. His locker was next to mine for 2 years in a row and everyday I would block his locker and make sure he's late for class. Now looking back at this I felt ashamed of myself. I was too immature I messed with this kid for a good 2 second laugh. The thing is, now looking back at it, I wish he had told a teacher i was bullying him because it would've knocked some sense into me. He moved a while back though because he got someone to adopt him and I kinda feel happy for him. He stuck through me and tons of other kids that joked and picked on him.

While I was dating this girl Sarah, I would always make her cry, on purpose.
At the time, it was my first REAL relationship, and so I didn't learn the things that I have today.
I only started to enjoy seeing her cry after about 5 months, because she cried about everything.
I don't know why I did it when I look back from it today, but I regret it every day that I think about it, and I feel like such a jerk.
Since then, and now, I have apologized to her before, and she seems to have forgiven me.
We are even friends now (we only talk via text and completely ignore each other if seen in public areas).
When reading the first post, I knew exactly what to write in my post.
This is something I deeply regret, and I would do anything to take the memory of it away.
I'll always love Sarah, no matter what.
This is something that is sensitive to me, so please try not to flame, I just won't respond.

Solidify, thank you for making this thread.

rakeya said:

A few years back there was this foster kid who didn't take a shower. I used to joke him about it and mess with him everyday (bullied him, sad to admit it), but now that I think about it, I was a total jerk to him. He didn't take a shower because he really couldn't. His locker was next to mine for 2 years in a row and everyday I would block his locker and make sure he's late for class. Now looking back at this I felt ashamed of myself. I was too immature I messed with this kid for a good 2 second laugh. The thing is, now looking back at it, I wish he had told a teacher i was bullying him because it would've knocked some sense into me. He moved a while back though because he got someone to adopt him and I kinda feel happy for him. He stuck through me and tons of other kids that joked and picked on him.

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In a situation like that, all that's left to do is forgive yourself. Clearly you've matured if you now realize that what you did then was childish. That's all that matters at this point. It would be nice to be able to appologize but that's out of your reach.

Try to treat people with more respect from now on if you haven't already began to.

Echoes said:

While I was dating this girl Sarah, I would always make her cry, on purpose.
At the time, it was my first REAL relationship, and so I didn't learn the things that I have today.
I only started to enjoy seeing her cry after about 5 months, because she cried about everything.
I don't know why I did it when I look back from it today, but I regret it every day that I think about it, and I feel like such a jerk.
Since then, and now, I have apologized to her before, and she seems to have forgiven me.
We are even friends now (we only talk via text and completely ignore each other if seen in public areas).
When reading the first post, I knew exactly what to write in my post.
This is something I deeply regret, and I would do anything to take the memory of it away.
I'll always love Sarah, no matter what.
This is something that is sensitive to me, so please try not to flame, I just won't respond.

Solidify, thank you for making this thread.

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Firstly, you're welcome for the thread but this is all you.

Clearly you've taken matters into your own hands before I asked you to post about it. You apologized for your actions and she forgave you. The important part that I wanted to stress about this thread about sharing your past experiences is plain and simple for you guys to acknowledge your mistakes and apologize to those you've harmed. If you can do that, you're already one step closer to becoming a better person.

Lastly, I admire the sincerity in your post. I know something that personal doesn't usually come across as easy to share for some people but I'm glad you were able to talk about it.

Bullying in America is growing daily, it is the reason kids go to school with guns ect. But it will never be stopped completely. It's just plain nature at it's worst.

Solidify said:

Firstly, you're welcome for the thread but this is all you.

Clearly you've taken matters into your own hands before I asked you to post about it. You apologized for your actions and she forgave you. The important part that I wanted to stress about this thread about sharing your past experiences is plain and simple for you guys to acknowledge your mistakes and apologize to those you've harmed. If you can do that, you're already one step closer to becoming a better person.

Lastly, I admire the sincerity in your post. I know something that personal doesn't usually come across as easy to share for some people but I'm glad you were able to talk about it.

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I know that I'll never be able to restore me and Sarah's relationship, as a friend or anything more, simply because I won't be able to forgive myself.
I would come home from school, just to make her cry every single night.
Sometimes I even would put her on ventrilo just to make everyone else laugh with me.
I wish I wasn't as mean to her as a was, and I know I can't take the things I said or did back.
I have really bad memory, so I don't remember a single thing I told her, and I don't even know why we broke up.
How can I fix our friendship?

Echoes said:

I know that I'll never be able to restore me and Sarah's relationship, as a friend or anything more, simply because I won't be able to forgive myself.
I would come home from school, just to make her cry every single night.
Sometimes I even would put her on ventrilo just to make everyone else laugh with me.
I wish I wasn't as mean to her as a was, and I know I can't take the things I said or did back.
I have really bad memory, so I don't remember a single thing I told her, and I don't even know why we broke up.
How can I fix our friendship?

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I would suggest you tell her what you just told me. Most girls yearn for a heartfelt and genuine apology. I don't know how old you guys are and how serious your relationship was but if you apologize, the rest is up to her.

If you decide to apologize, don't be surprised if she doesn't come back running to you the very same day or even week. These things take time and she's going to need to process everything.

iSellRSGP said:

Bullying in America is growing daily, it is the reason kids go to school with guns ect. But it will never be stopped completely. It's just plain nature at it's worst.

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Maybe so but if we can talk some sense into some of these kids, we face a chance at prevention future outbreaks.

Yes but kids bully to keep them from being bullied, or a satisfying feeling to know you *own* someone and that your in control and have power, if you a show a bully your weak and you take his shit, he'll attach to you and make your life hell until you deal with it a proper way. Unfortunantly many teens find suicide or even murder the escape, that is the problem most bullying victims face.

Ireppgold said:

Yes but kids bully to keep them from being bullied, or a satisfying feeling to know you *own* someone and that your in control and have power, if you a show a bully your weak and you take his shit, he'll attach to you and make your life hell until you deal with it a proper way. Unfortunantly many teens find suicide or even murder the escape, that is the problem most bullying victims face.

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The main concern here is prevention. Why teach kids how to man up and not make themselves vulnerable to bullies when you can attack the problem at its roots and try to reach out to the offenders themselves?

Because the offenders don't care about others feelings, that's why they bully.

Ireppgold said:

Because the offenders don't give a rats ass, that's why they bully.

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Firstly, I don't appreciate your tone. If you're going to argue something, don't cuss.

Secondly, part of figuring out why people do things is done by asking them. Cognitive thinking processes. In other words, there's an underlying cause for every action we make. Having said that, what I'm implying is that some of these offenders have been taken advantage of themselves.

Bullies don't pick on kids because they want to make the victim feel bad or because they don't care about them.. I thought you guys knew that by now. Everything a bully does is for himself. It's to make himself look better. Mostly people bully others because they are upset with themselves and think if others were as miserable as he or she is, it will make him happier. Perhaps because they are jealous of someone so he or she bullies that person to feel more superior, or they bully someone to be cool.

What you need to understand is that bullying has little to do with who you chose to demean but rather why you're choosing to do it. Which is why prevention is much more effective that mediating.

I apologized to her as best as I could, and I meant it with every atom that consists of my body.
She said she's forgiven me, but I don't know how much that means.
I see her at school, and sometimes we make awkward eye contact.
Do you think it would be nice to wave at her or smile, or could that cause conflict?

Echoes said:

I apologized to her as best as I could, and I meant it with every atom that consists of my body.
She said she's forgiven me, but I don't know how much that means.
I see her at school, and sometimes we make awkward eye contact.
Do you think it would be nice to wave at her or smile, or could that cause conflict?

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As hard at it'll be, you're that needs to speak to her. You need to reach out. If she's accepted your apology, she'll reciprocate.

Solidify said:

As hard at it'll be, you're that needs to speak to her. You need to reach out. If she's accepted your apology, she'll reciprocate.

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Ok, thanks so much.
I haven't been able to talk to this about any of my real life friends, because I made them all hate Sarah eventually.
I feel like I should sit down and talk to her, but I'm too ashamed to even make eye contact.
Next time I see her I think I might wave or say good morning.

I've always stood up for people who get picked on. However, this year in automotive there's a kid a couple of years younger than everyone else (and not supposed to be granted admission into the course) who's sort of a teacher's pet. We make fun of him a lot. I won't make up any "we're laughing with you!" bullshit, we laugh at him. Tomorrow, I'm going to wear pink to school, probably a bandanna on my head, and in automotive when anyone tries to call him something derogatory or makes fun of him for asking questions, I will chew them out and stand up for him. I thought it was innocent hazing, but it's still bullying and it can't be good for someones self-esteem.

now for my controversial view, as always, not saying I support bullies in any way, but I think kids these days are becoming way to soft, if you're being bullied stand up for your self, it just seems to me kids need to start saying, okay this is enough, I might not be able to beat his ass but i'ma let it be known he doesn't need to mess with me anymore, the only things that powers bullies is their mind state if they don't think they are in control they don't know what to do anymore.

and to be honest solidify I would like to debate about something with you.

Echoes said:

Ok, thanks so much.
I haven't been able to talk to this about any of my real life friends, because I made them all hate Sarah eventually.
I feel like I should sit down and talk to her, but I'm too ashamed to even make eye contact.
Next time I see her I think I might wave or say good morning.

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Go for it. I'm sure she won't blow you off. Why? Because you said she texts you now and then. So clearly she doesn't have a problem with you. The problem is that its awkward and she doesn't know what to say when in public. So that's your cue to break the ice.

fatMatch said:

I've always stood up for people who get picked on. However, this year in automotive there's a kid a couple of years younger than everyone else (and not supposed to be granted admission into the course) who's sort of a teacher's pet. We make fun of him a lot. I won't make up any "we're laughing with you!" bullshit, we laugh at him. Tomorrow, I'm going to wear pink to school, probably a bandanna on my head, and in automotive when anyone tries to call him something derogatory or makes fun of him for asking questions, I will chew them out and stand up for him. I thought it was innocent hazing, but it's still bullying and it can't be good for someones self-esteem.

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I'm glad you're taking a stand for him.

GarrettG said:

now for my controversial view, as always, not saying I support bullies in any way, but I think kids these days are becoming way to soft, if you're being bullied stand up for your self, it just seems to me kids need to start saying, okay this is enough, I might not be able to beat his ass but i'ma let it be known he doesn't need to mess with me anymore, the only things that powers bullies is their mind state if they don't think they are in control they don't know what to do anymore.

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Whether kids are becoming 'too soft' is besides the point. The issue at question is to target the accusers that bully to begin with. We shouldn't need to show/help kids how to protect themselves from bullies but rather try to put an end to those insinuating the act. Period.

Secondly, what you're implying would be even harder because bullies deliberately pick on victims that seem weaker (physically and psychologically) than them so that they can have an easy way with them. Asking a vulnerable kid to stand up for himself could be detrimental if it backfires.

I see your point when you say some of them need to put their foot down but they should learn to do so with someone their own size so that if all goes well, they'll get more self-esteem, not less. Because frankly, chances are very slim that if you retaliate with a bully you'll make it out alive.

and to be honest solidify I would like to debate about something with you.

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Was that it or something else?

Lol make it out alive.. most of them won't do anything anyways they just put a tough guy appearance on. I guarantee you if someone busted them in the nose they'd think twice about trying anything else.......or you could get your butt kicked but i guarantee they still wouldn't bother you anymore unless they enjoy getting punched in the nose lol