FSM ~ Captain Mosey and The Eight (I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts)

[Random]

Ramen! Please stop fighting on these forums, need i remind ye all of the 8 “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”? Listen to the Great FSM and be at peace with yourself, and to you naysayers, if we truly believe in something and it makes us happy, then who are you to oppress us? 
Everyone finds truth in something and something different will make some people happy, some believe, and to those who do truly believe, may you be touched by his noodly appendage. 
For those of you who don't know read now of Captain Mosey and the 8 I’d Really Rather You Didn'ts:

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While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he cannot find a Pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain receives some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. 
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]These were called the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” by the FSM, the “Commandments” by Mosey, and the “Condiments” by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten tablets, two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event “partly accounts for Pastafarians’ flimsy moral standards”. The FSM’s commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition.[/font]

1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don’t Believe In Me, That’s Okay. Really, I’m Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn’t About Them So Don’t Change The Subject.

2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don’t Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey – Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We’re Talking About Fashion And I’m Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B*******.

6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
     1. Ending Poverty
     2. Curing Diseases
     3. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable

I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You’re Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can’t You Take A Hint?

8. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It’s A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn’t Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

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If you want to know more about Pastafarianism, and our one true leader the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Feel free to Leave a comment, or Question below and I'll do my best to enlighten you!

[http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/Thread-All-praise-be-to-the-Flying-Spaghetti-Monster]
^ More Information for the Mind.

 

[Kira Jr]

omg kid you are the funniest person i fuckinmg know. this idea is genus tbh.

 

[Yui]

Is it bad that I just read that entire thing?
Whatever still a funny thread, ah you never fail do you Random..
One question though. Where the heck did you find this?

 

[Random]

Is it bad that I just read that entire thing?
Whatever still a funny thread, ah you never fail do you Random..
One question though. Where the heck did you find this?

Well, I was googling the best way to eat children.. for science.. yes. *mhm* ok, well anyways.. I was looking up how to do that and I came across this image;

I had a spiritual awakening.

It's why I eat only noodles and Pasta now.

I am alive.

 

[Yui]

Good God.. Only eating Noodles and Pasta is literally the 1 normal thing you've ever said.
That image is kinda fudged up by the way.

 

[Random]

Good God.. Only eating Noodles and Pasta is literally the 1 normal thing you've ever said.
That image is kinda fudged up by the way.

What can I say.. I was;

http://i.imgur.com/m6sCI6N.jpg

 

[Yui]

What can I say.. I was;

http://i.imgur.com/m6sCI6N.jpg

Okay this is too much for me, you've mentally scarred me, give me noodles so I can go to sleep with my No.1 favourite food.
Goodnight Mr. Random.

 

[Nab]

I remember when I was a wee lad, getting my first noodle shower. Brings back the memories.
I believe Thou art the Creator of Goodness and Nourishment, and of Sustenance. I thank the Pasta, and the Sauce, and the Meatballs, for they provide me all my needs.
RAmen.

 

[Random]

I remember when I was a wee lad, getting my first noodle shower. Brings back the memories.
I believe Thou art the Creator of Goodness and Nourishment, and of Sustenance. I thank the Pasta, and the Sauce, and the Meatballs, for they provide me all my needs.
Amen.

Chapter 1 

1 It is written, back in the ancient days, the Flying Spaghetti Monster enjoyed drinking with his human buddy, Abe. 
2 One night, Abe told the FSM he had to get up early in the morning and couldn‟t hang out with Him all night. 
3 The FSM, who had had a few too many beers, was depressed and weepy. 
4 He said to Abe, “You‟re such a douche. 
5 What am I supposed to do the rest of the night?” 
6 “Dude, we‟ll chill tomorrow. 
7 It‟s no biggie,” said Abe. 
8 “No dude, it‟s not just this. 
9 You‟ve really been a crappy friend lately.” 
10 “Well I got a family now. 
11 I got responsibilities. 
12 I can‟t always screw around and drink with you all the time.” 
13 “Screw that man. 
14 I‟m your god. 
15 You need to prove your loyalty to me.” 
16 “Ok, that‟s fair. 
17 What do you want me to do?” 
18 “Kill your son.” 
19 “No way man. 
20 I can‟t.” 
21 “Do it.” 
22 “Dude, it‟s…” 
23 “Do it,” the FSM interrupted. 
24 “Really?” 
25 “Yeah dude, you gotta listen to me. 
26 I‟m your god.” 
27 “Alright,” Abe said sheepishly. 
28 “Ahhhh, you got punk‟d! 
29 I wouldn‟t make you do that. 
30 Aww, you shoulda seen your face when I said that.” 
31 “Yeah…” 
32 “Instead, you gotta chop off the tip of your dick.” 
33 Abe laughed, “You‟re not getting me this time.” 
34 The FSM giggled and took a drink. 
35 “Nope, totally cereal. 
36 It‟s like the 5th Commandment: Thy Noodle shall not be bigger than Mine.” 
37 “But we don‟t have Commandments,” Abe protested. 
38 “Shh.” 
39 “Ok, fine.” 
40 And so Abe circumcised himself (yeah, he did it himself). 
41 The next day, after miraculously curing His hangover, the FSM remembered the shit He pulled the night before and gave Abe a call. 
42 “Hey dude, sorry bout the shit I pulled last night.” 
43 “It‟s cool,” Abe said, “You were pretty wasted.” 
44 “Yeah, well to make up for it, I decided to give you and your descendents your own land.”
45 “Aww sweet dude. 
46 I‟ve actually had my eye on Canaan.” 
47 “No dude, there‟s already people living there. 
48 What would you do, kill them all?” 
49 “Uh…”
50 “No, your Promised Land will be the sea. 
51 And you get the whole thing, but only on the condition that you and your descendents are pirates. 
52 I like pirates. 
5[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]3 Cool? [/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]54 “Yeah man, it‟s a deal.” [/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]55 And so the Pastament was made[/font]
/thread