[GAME REVIEW] Age of Empires III

I browsed through the forum and I couldn't find any trace of previous game reviews so I think this is the first one. I'm making this review at the worst time possible but I just can't get AOE out of my mind! To give you some background info, I am a huge AOE - and any spin-off - fan. The funny thing is is that for me two games go hand in hand, I can't play one without being able to play the other, AOE is very similar to Civilization; each one is a puzzle that completes the other. Civilization is more of a diplomatic game that can easy stretch into 15 hours (on hardest mode) but I feel that after a few hours it get dull; there's not enough action and too much waiting. The farther you get along the longer the game takes. On the other hand AOE is full of strategic action but it's sadly missing all the necessary diplomacy . I've been an AOE II gamer since summer 2006 and ever since then I have become a type of guru, practice makes perfect. Being able to construct kingdoms, and go to war via land and sea is just so great! ...Quick note AOE I is also pretty good, love it just as much as AOE II.... A few nights ago I was just chillin', yenno, having some porn in the background, really kickin' back, and I got this sudden erg to play AOE II - so I did, I beat a 2v2v2 on hardest by 3am playing as the Turks. After I completed the skirmish I remember seeing some AOE III ad in PC mag and remembered how my computer can't run it. I had this crazy thought that I should check the requirements for AOE III one more time to make sure I was right. I checked them and it turned that theoretically my laptop (or as my ex would say "lappy") would be able to handle the orgy. I would of bought the game - as I usually buy my games - but at 4am all the stores are closed which ment I had to go on TPB. I torrented it, installed it, and began playing. Five seconds into launching it and my dick gets hard, fuck, those developers do such a good job at making such breathe taking intros (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hp_GQx-qmYo). Every moment of watching it stimulates that little voice in my mind saying "Oh shit nigga, I wanna do that!". Sadly this game was no different from the others - the intro turns out to be nothing like the game . Starting with the main menu I can see a drastic change, in III the whole idea of AOE is more mainstream, in the sense of now there's experience points and other bullshit that stimulate you to play, play play. After ub3r owning the tutorial guide I rushed to create my custom match and what I found was actually pretty kool. The game's focus is now less on campaign and more on skrimishs, you begin by creating your own city with a leader, and a nationality (European choices). The idea here is that you can go into battle at any time and earn EXP from doing certain things during the game, when you either win or resign a match you come back to your city and you're able to spend the EXP you earned on improvements and preparation towards the next battle. When you decide you bought enough upgrades you can spend your EXP on purchasing priests and other entertainers (do you see what I did there? ) such as street walkers . A major feature they took out during the battle option phase is the option to have more than one group, now there can only be two sides fighting against each other, unlike in older versions when you can have 3v3v3 or 1v2v1v1, etc. You can also waver the options to such a degree that even on the hardest mode you can make the game easy for yourself. Once they teleported me to my new town center I noticed the change the bottom control panel from the stylish AOE II: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Age_ii_feudal_age_celts.jpg to the ugly aOE III: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ageofempires3_screenshot_1.jpg This is soo stupid! I hate when games have such a big panel because it takes so much away from the game view, they also made it default to have the game view be close as hell! These small details take the love out of the sex! Now you don't feel like a king overlooking the world but half blind bimbo overlooking a spooky ally knife fight. Another issue that most won't agree with me on is that they made the game glossy, this mainstream style of putting exceptional effort on terrain graphics that limit hardcore fans from playing the game. I liked it when it was nice and simple: the grass was one color; green!, the sea was blue, the enemy was red, and now everything has a bukake of color sprayed on anything that is important! Another big disappointment is the game play, another mainstream clone! If you have not played it then just think of AOE III JUST LIKE Warcraft but with 16th century artillery. It's mainstream in the sense that developers are following this new style of making gameplay fast and simple so the new A.D.D. generation won't have a seizure while playing! At this point, they took the cum out of sex! What's the point of sex without a climax?! FUUUUUU-

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I would like to make this my application toward the "Reviewer" group, I'd love to join and be HQ . This was a fun review to make so I'll be releasing book and album reviews in the future. Also note this review is not you're standard review for the reason that if you want official game review that touchs on every aspect then got to the experts, this is my homemade review that serves more as entertaining piece.
Thank You for reading.

It needs to be more structured.
It's mainly just a wall of text.

But Nice review.

Very detailed review with good grammar, I've always been a fan of AOE. Don't have the game anymore though, used to play it with family friends.

Note: Space out the sections, add paragraphs

LMCampbell said:

It needs to be more structured.
It's mainly just a wall of text.

But Nice review.

Click to expand...

I know it's very... different....
My goal is still to become a "Reviewer" so I'll be posting more reviews until I get accepted

Roobik said:

LMCampbell said:

It needs to be more structured.
It's mainly just a wall of text.

But Nice review.

Click to expand...

I know it's very... different....
My goal is still to become a "Reviewer" so I'll be posting more reviews until I get accepted

Click to expand...

Reviewers are the people who review products for others in the marketplace, not in the gaming section. You can correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyway, great review, and I personally was a huge fan of AOE games.

Roobik said:

I know it's very... different....
My goal is still to become a "Reviewer" so I'll be posting more reviews until I get accepted

Click to expand...

This is more of what I want of the Gamers Group not the Reviewers.
The reviewers is about reviewing products sold on MF.

Each of the groups will be open for application some time this week.

Haha, this is so jokes xD

how is it funny?

I remember how i got this game I traded call of duty waw for the wii for this game

LMCampbell said:

It needs to be more structured.
It's mainly just a wall of text.

But Nice review.

Click to expand...

Agree with you, It will be better if you put some pictures etc..

GameOver said:

LMCampbell said:

It needs to be more structured.
It's mainly just a wall of text.

But Nice review.

Click to expand...

Agree with you, It will be better if you put some pictures etc..

Click to expand...

Please realize that this is an informal review that has a humorous approach to it. If you want a review that covers all aspects then you can easily search it, I took a personal approach that shows what I think of it.

AOE III is truly a impressive game. It is made for the middle ages. I have win all the missions on AOE II and III. They were easy to me. I also owned a lot of friends in LAN.

It is great game ever. I like the graphics and sound of this game. It is one type of strategic games and I alway looking forward of this game. It is amazing game. I am the big fan of this game.

Well, it's a bit big and hard to read, since you didn't use paragraphs. As someone said, you could separe the sections as Graphic review, gameplay review etc.
However, I enjoyed read since I'm a hugeee fan of AOE

How many time do I have to say that this is an informal review with an entertaining edge. If you desire a review of the game includes sub sections such as graphics, gameplay then use professional reviewing sites like IGN.

It's an awesome game, I really do love Age of Empires.