Lately, trolling has become synonymous with mass spam and viral videos, with regurgitated catch phrases and inane jokes practiced by the more computer savvy against the webplebes. Now, how about we reverse that? I'd like to shatter this dreadful image and revitalize trolling as a noble art of studying. To wit, I've compiled this guide to help you get around. Here, you will learn what trolling is and what it isn't, and how to use it to boost the quality of the Internet as a whole.
Feeding trolls is like website traffic. Controversy, anger, hatred, and baseless flaming breed popularity. Then again, when something is utterly stupid, there might be no hidden meaning. So what you perceive as trolling or an attempt thereof could in fact be nothing more than a stellar example of oligophrenia in the ASCII form. So how do you know good trolling from bad trolling? Simple. You read this guide and all shall be revealed.
How to troll people
It's very simple. People who deserve trolling are all around you. Stick to the etiquette and then look for vulnerable prey. Once you find it, you have two options: Try to use logic to explain to the other party the fallacy of their arguments and opinions, which is always pointless, or throw them off balance with an utterly preposterous and completely opposite stance to whatever they claim, even if you totally disagree with your own rebuttal.
Indeed, people hardly ever listen to others. They sometimes don't even listen to themselves, they just like the aural harmonics of their mouth spewing verbal diarrhea, or in the case of typing, the awesome sound of self-narration playing inside their heads, also known as the Unwarranted Self-Importance (USI) syndrome. Therefore, you being reasonable and polite in fact strengthens their opinions and perpetuates the problematic elements. Fighting head to head is a lost battle. But using anti-ballistic trolling always works.
For example, how do you argue with someone who claims the Earth is flat or that aliens are visiting us on a daily basis? Do you really think scientific evidence will work at this point? Think carefully. You can ignore them, but silence is acceptance, plus you won't really feel satisfied until you fire back. Trolling is your special weapon.
REMEMBER IF YOU EVER HAVE TO ADMIT YOU ARE A TROLL OR GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SAY YOU ARE A TROLL YOU ARE A FAIL TROLL.
EX: OMG THIS WAS ALL A HUGE SET UP AND I GOT YOU BIG TIME. I AM LE MASTER TROLOLOL.
Feeding trolls is like website traffic. Controversy, anger, hatred, and baseless flaming breed popularity. Then again, when something is utterly stupid, there might be no hidden meaning. So what you perceive as trolling or an attempt thereof could in fact be nothing more than a stellar example of oligophrenia in the ASCII form. So how do you know good trolling from bad trolling? Simple. You read this guide and all shall be revealed.
Useful phrases
Over 9000 - Means a lot.
Moar - Means more, but in a much more [sic] meaningful way.
Party Hard - Can be used to denote a person's stellar ability to party like no other. For example, Samuel parties hard. Make sure you use the phrase sparingly and without too much detail, leaving the other party [sic] wondering whether you were being supportive or condescending.
A challenger appears - There's going to be trouble. The Internet Police is going to badass their way in.
All Your Base Are Belong To Us - My oldtime favorite. Less usable in conversation, but extremely handy in written topics. The word Base can be replaced with anything you like. Us can be replaced with anything too. For example, All Your Software Are Belong To Bill is a great way to raise awareness to, say a new Windows update that people suspect is part of the greater New World Order (not the band) slash Big Brother conspiracy to control people's minds and pr0n.
<X>? In my <Y>? - Can be used for anything. A good example is: Financial crisis? In my economy? Used to express complete doubt or skepticism with supposed evidence or facts at hand. While the subtle tone of mockery could undermine the severity of your criticism, don't be discouraged and persist with rhetoric fun.
I accidentally <X> - Where X is a noun of some kind. For example, I accidentally the coffee.
Moar - Means more, but in a much more [sic] meaningful way.
Party Hard - Can be used to denote a person's stellar ability to party like no other. For example, Samuel parties hard. Make sure you use the phrase sparingly and without too much detail, leaving the other party [sic] wondering whether you were being supportive or condescending.
A challenger appears - There's going to be trouble. The Internet Police is going to badass their way in.
All Your Base Are Belong To Us - My oldtime favorite. Less usable in conversation, but extremely handy in written topics. The word Base can be replaced with anything you like. Us can be replaced with anything too. For example, All Your Software Are Belong To Bill is a great way to raise awareness to, say a new Windows update that people suspect is part of the greater New World Order (not the band) slash Big Brother conspiracy to control people's minds and pr0n.
<X>? In my <Y>? - Can be used for anything. A good example is: Financial crisis? In my economy? Used to express complete doubt or skepticism with supposed evidence or facts at hand. While the subtle tone of mockery could undermine the severity of your criticism, don't be discouraged and persist with rhetoric fun.
I accidentally <X> - Where X is a noun of some kind. For example, I accidentally the coffee.
How to troll people
It's very simple. People who deserve trolling are all around you. Stick to the etiquette and then look for vulnerable prey. Once you find it, you have two options: Try to use logic to explain to the other party the fallacy of their arguments and opinions, which is always pointless, or throw them off balance with an utterly preposterous and completely opposite stance to whatever they claim, even if you totally disagree with your own rebuttal.
Indeed, people hardly ever listen to others. They sometimes don't even listen to themselves, they just like the aural harmonics of their mouth spewing verbal diarrhea, or in the case of typing, the awesome sound of self-narration playing inside their heads, also known as the Unwarranted Self-Importance (USI) syndrome. Therefore, you being reasonable and polite in fact strengthens their opinions and perpetuates the problematic elements. Fighting head to head is a lost battle. But using anti-ballistic trolling always works.
For example, how do you argue with someone who claims the Earth is flat or that aliens are visiting us on a daily basis? Do you really think scientific evidence will work at this point? Think carefully. You can ignore them, but silence is acceptance, plus you won't really feel satisfied until you fire back. Trolling is your special weapon.
REMEMBER IF YOU EVER HAVE TO ADMIT YOU ARE A TROLL OR GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SAY YOU ARE A TROLL YOU ARE A FAIL TROLL.
EX: OMG THIS WAS ALL A HUGE SET UP AND I GOT YOU BIG TIME. I AM LE MASTER TROLOLOL.