Oddly enough, this is perhaps the biggest obstacle I need to overcome to live a happy life and posting about it hadn't yet occurred until last night.
The problem is as follows. I've been allergic to peanuts since birth, which is a common allergy, only making matters worse, considering I'm not alone but yet the only one with this
anaphylaxis related issue. I'm proud to say that it's gotten a little bit better since I was a child but the problem is still there and bugs me. It restrains me from living my life and doing things that I've always longed to do.
Allow me to explain.
In order to understand my situation, you need to understand what happens when I come into contact with my allergen. In lamens terms, someone that is allergic to peanuts, as myself, has a body that cannot take it. Having said that, if I eat a peanuts, my body contracts and tightens my respiratory airways. In other words, it means my tongue will swell up and my throat will tighten, running the risk of death by suffocation.
There exists a temporary relief medication called an Epipen that contains medicine that must be injection into my body to counter-act the shock. Even after I've injected myself with the medicinal needle, I still need to be rushed to a hospital as it is only temporary delay to the shock.
To make a long story short, I might have over-sold it. It's not as complicated as I made it out to be. Actually, a lot of people have this allergy. My problem is that I'm really scared of it. I don't know why, when or how I began to feel to frightened, because I know when I was much younger I wasn't. All I know is that it's the reason I turn down offers to go out with friends sometimes as well as date girls.
This might sounds crazy but every time I'm asked to do something (party, movies, clubbing, etc.), I have this obsessive compulsion to automatically process if there will be a point in time throughout the course of the event that I may be in contact with peanuts. For instance, when I'm at the movies, people sitting near me will be eating M&M's and I'll smell the peanuts and just freak out and leave. If a friend at school is eating a peanut butter sandwich, I'll leave and spend 20 minutes in the washroom until I've given her enough time to finish it. Of course, I won't admit to it.
It's ruining my life slowly and I can't move forward unless I learn to put this fear behind me. I've already tried speaking to my older sister about it, which was incredibly hard for some reason. By the way, she has the same allergy, which helped analyze the situation. Either way, she told me that if I smell it, and feel bad, it's all psychological because you can't get sick from smelling it, only by eating it. And as much as I know she's right, because I've been in situations where I was sitting near someone on the bus and not even realize they were eating a candy-bar until I turn to see it and then suddenly freak out, I can't get it out of my head.
Often times, I've considered speaking to a doctor that specializes in food allergies just for extra comforting. Just for them to tell me for sure that nothing can happen from smelling it. Maybe doing that will help. But I'm not sure.
If I can overcome this problem, words can't describe how happy I'd be. The joy of not having to worry about taking a trip, getting a girlfriend and going out on weekends.
Any advice is appreciated.