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The Mr Insult Show : Episode 12 : "Fucking Trailer Trash Inbreds!"

[The crowd starts chanting "Mr Insult! You're a Cunt"]

Mr Insult: Tonight on my fucking great show we have a chuffing fantastic episode in store! That fucking twat deadlycode is here to finally confess something to his fuckwit chum, bleepy. So come on you useless trailer trash fuckers, let's hear it for the fucking shithead, deadlycode!

[The crowd whoops and hollers, swearing profusely]

Mr Insult: Okay, now deadlycode you're here to talk about some cunt or another, aren't you?

You: Yes.

Mr Insult: And who is the desperate loser you want to talk about?

You: stephanie.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Mr Insult: OK, fuckface, great news - stephanie, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Mr Insult: But first we have a fucking great surprise for you deadlycode, because there's some other fucker here to see you! So let's bring out this complete cunt ... scrappy!

You: What the fucking arsing chuffing cunting heck?!!!

[Suddenly you pull out a banana. scrappy reaches for the sofa. As the crowd pisses themselves with laughter, sharon appears from out of the shadows]

sharon: Wait you fucking tossers....

Mr Insult: Yes, come on you pitiful fame-desperate inbreds, calm down for a minute. Now, scrappy you look like a right useless cunt. Why are you here?.

scrappy: Because I saw deadlycode and sharon fucking the arse off each other out at the the white horse!

[The crowd turns nauseous at the thought of those two Bug Uglies exchanging bodily fluids]

sharon: You cunting lying shithead! I was home watching scrubs!

Mr Insult: [flashing the vick and trying to feel up the ladies in the crowd] Look you gormless, moronic shithead... what exactly is the problem scrappy?

scrappy: Well, I've recently been having filthy animal sex with bleepy who has recently become engaged to sharon.

[The crowd joins in with a rousing chorus of 'You're a Slack Cunt!']

Mr Insult: Really? Right up the tradesman's entrance, eh? Saucy! Well why don't we bring bleepy out here because deadlycode had something that they needed to tell them anyway about stephanie

bleepy: [strolls on stage and walks towards you ] What's the fucking deal, you cunt? I saw you outside getting it on with stephanie! You know how I feel about that fucking hopeless fuckwit tosser stephanie!

sharon: [screams] What? Why the shitting hell did you fucking ask me to fucking marry you if you're in love with that fuckface weasel stephanie!

bleepy: Because I knew that I could never shag stephanie. But deadlycode promised me that they'd never fuck each other out of respect for my feelings!

sharon: What about respect for my feelings you useless piece of shit!

[scrappy walks suddenly across the stage, and tries to get jiggy with bleepy]

scrappy: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of those useless fuckwits now that you have me.

[The crowd laughs at the pitiful specimens on stage and unites in a thunderous chant of, 'Deck the fucking cunt!']

sharon: You cunting fishfaced fuckhead! Are you fucking sick!?

[sharon runs across the room and starts rubbing up against you in a sexual manner]

sharon: deadlycode take me away from all of fucking bullshit!

You: You see? That's the fuckin problem you useless divvy. I'm fucking married.

[The crowd hurls general abuse as Mr Insult does exaggerated wanking motion]

sharon: Cunting married, you fuck?

[You nod]

sharon: Who the fuck are you married to you fucking lying bullshitting twat? When ... when the fuck did this happen? I don't bollocking understand!

You: The other day you clueless shithead. In Splott, Cardiff. I'm married to stephanie.

bleepy: [screaming] YOU FUCKING WHAT?!!

Mr Insult: [grinning widely, and sliding his hand up a girl in the audiences skirt] So ... did you have a fucking great wedding night and and get loads of botty action with spunk flying everywhere and ... and.... and...?

stephanie: [giving exaggerated fucking action] Well, we fucked like a pair of randy ferrets on acid 5 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals, girl discovers Mr Insult's hand and slaps him in the face]

Mr Insult: Okay, okay. So let me get this all bollocks straight you useless fuckers ... deadlycode is married to stephanie who bleepy has secretly been shagging with for years and years. Now bleepy has recently become engaged to sharon who was recently spotted fucking deadlycode in the white horse. Now on top of this, scrappy has just admitted to being in an arse-fucking relationship with bleepy.

stephanie: That's fucking right Mr Insult.

Mr Insult: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that I wonder why I bother sharing the stage with such a bunch of publicity-hungry fuckwits. Just look at them: a useless bunch of inbred clowns who will do anything to appear on a show as shitty as mine. But I don't give a fuck because I get paid to do this shit!

Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for Mr Insult's Final Thought, and I say ..... fuck off you useless bunch of cunts!

Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - now fuck off you useless bag of inbred losers.

[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]