I want to be happy but nothing seems to work. I just feel empty and alone and i'm just depressed all the time, like nothing even matters. I don't want to say I want to die, but if it were to happen, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, if that makes sense. I used to take a lot of Xanax, and Adderall but stopped due to me being stupid and getting arrested for it. It gave me some what a sense of release from reality. I have panic attacks almost everyday but learned to manage them overtime. I don't have anyone really there for me because my mother is always working/sleeping, my stepfather spends his days getting drunk. I don't know my father which is very cliche considering I am black. I have brothers but they don't live with me because they are a lot older than me. So i'm left feeling alone and empty everyday which is a really dangerous feeling. I am dating this girl but I don't want to like say anything about this shit because i'm young and i'm sure that it won't last long but if it does then i guess she will learn about this in the future. I'm not poor anymore although I used to be, and i've somewhat always managed my own clothing, food, etc. I skate but i don't as much because I have no one to skate with so I just stay home. Cars are also something I love but i'm not old enough to drive. All my @'s are weak so I can't sell them lol. but besides that, I don't know why i'm here on this forum, I just feel like i need somewhere or somebody to release this too because i'm sure there are others who can relate.